can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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