stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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