Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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