before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
