he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize