so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize