Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
