Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
