I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
