For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
