Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
