Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
