i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
