Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
