Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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