I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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