I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
