kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
