I cannot find my penis.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
