In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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