can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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