just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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