you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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