3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
