I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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