don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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