i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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