You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
