so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
