I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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