we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
