I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
