There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
tell me about the eggs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
