nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
