Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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