btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize