Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
