This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
