absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
