smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
