oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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