Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize