have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
