I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize