Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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