Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
