I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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