I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
