just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
