he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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