Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
