So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
