We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize