i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
