Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
