So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
did you just send me my own nude
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
