Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
