My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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