I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my being single is dangerous.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
