You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
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