Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
