Ketchup is God's man juice
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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