I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
