could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
