you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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