it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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