im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
