I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize