It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
