and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
