my mouth tastes like poor choices
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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