I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
