Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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