i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
