i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
