Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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