good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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