bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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