Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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