New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
