I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
