Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
