I wish my penis had an off switch
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
