I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm like, not good at living.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
