I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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