is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This is my gift to your gina
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
