im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
