I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize