she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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