So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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