if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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