Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
