I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
