Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just want nice things and good sex
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
