I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
