Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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