Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
