Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
