Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
