What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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