It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
