i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
