It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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