it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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